Contraband Movie Review

Contraband-(R)-(Blu-Ray worthy)

Weak is all I could say. Forget Tabasco and Red Hot, Contraband is smothered with weak sauce, and it’s unfortunate, because this steak could have been great if topped correctly. Contraband had a ton of potential, but it fell miles away from the finish line.

The three key points to this flick were action, acting, and plot. The action is nothing we haven’t seen. The gun-fights were typical, with no flare or anything to set it apart from other movies. In fact, the shootouts were boring. If you want good action, go see Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Wahlberg and the gang just weren’t action stars in this flick.

Don’t look at me like that, Mark.

The acting was on par, but the script was crap. The actors were forced a messy script, and you could tell that they were trying to make the best of their lines. They acted well, but the things they said weren’t witty enough or interesting enough. Mark Wahlberg did the best he could with this dialogue we’ve heard over and over. The team carrying out the job with Mark had no chemistry, and they just weren’t interesting at all. You and I have seen these characters before. I’ve heard this dialogue before. I’ve seen movies where money is like mind control.

The plot was typical of an action movie as well. I’m  not expecting the most advanced plot of all time, but I would appreciate it if there was any effort at all. I was more interested in the wife being stalked at home by the druggie with a cartoon character’s voice that’s worse than Snoop Dogg’s rather than Mark Wahlberg dealing with his brother-in-law who doesn’t know how to do anything right.

Do not see this Porkchop, for it is smothered in weak sauce. Rent the Expendables or watch 007 if you want action. Nothing about the smuggling was interesting. This was beyond forgettable.

~Ddog

Star Trek: Into Darkness Movie Review

I had the privilege to see Into Darkness at midnight. I returned home at 2:30 am, and so I didn’t have time to make this review. What I was doing, however, before falling asleep, was processing the fantastic film that is Star Trek: Into Darkness.

I loved the first Star Trek film, and so my expectations for this movie were at an all time high. Despite all of the anticipation, I loved Into Darkness more than I loved the first. And I really loved the first. The three key points to this amazing film are the visuals, characters, and plot.

The visuals of this film are spectacular. This is due to the bright colors and authentic set pieces. Nothing in this film looks like weak CGI. All of the futuristic locations, from the bridge to futuristic London, were believable.

Into Darkness was shot brilliantly, the camerawork remarkable. Lens flare is back as well, and I loved every bit of it.

Into Darkness looked great, clean, and polished. By the way, 3D looks spectacular with this film. Lens flare is beautiful in 3 dimensions. (Here’s a 3D ass. Get it? Ass? As in donkey?)

The characters in this film are all lovable. Every single one of them. What’s great about these characters is that they aren’t the same as they were in the first movie. Sure, their personalities are similar, but they have all grown from Star Trek, namely Kirk.

What makes these characters great is the fact that we know them. Abrams doesn’t spend any more time reinforcing these characters that we already know. Instead, he utilizes them and embeds them into the story masterfully. Benedict Cumberbatch is fantastic as the villain, delivering a menacing and memorable performance. Badass, is all I can say.

The plot is layered, has depth, and is action packed. Upon thinking back to the film, Into Darkness moves relentlessly. There isn’t a moment aside from a few short scenes where you can stop and relax. This movie is go go go, the pacing fitting with the haste and urgency of the events unfolding before you. For a two hour movie, it packed in a lot of content. Amazingly, Into Darkness didn’t feel bloated or rushed. It was paced masterfully.

Star Trek: Into Darkness was funny, intense, grand, and very well made and acted. The banter and chemistry between Spock and Kirk are so far unmatched in this year’s cinema. I loved this film. This movie is a Filet, topped and surrounded by your personal favorite toppings and sides. Go see this film now.

In the wise words of Dave Matthews: “I am the captain of this ship.”

~Ddog

A Hunger Games Between the 50 States: Who Would Win?

This question has popped up around the internet and I though that I would evaluate this situation. A Hunger Games across the US is taking place. Each state offers 2 tributes between 12-18 years old. They are chosen randomly. The arena is an unknown environment, and very large, due to the fact that 100 contestants would be fighting. My question to you is: Which state would reign victorious? Below is my prediction. Note: I am not an ignorant person. This was all in good fun.

Let’s look at the map. I’ll pick a select few states that are contenders, then we’ll go from there.

The contenders are Texas, Alaska, New York, New Jersey, Arizona, Pennsylvania. Did I leave out your state? That’s because it didn’t instantly enter my mind as a contender.

California and Hawaii are the first states to have their tributes die. Florida doesn’t have anyone between 12-18 years old, so they can’t even compete.

Everything is big in Texas. When Texans are babies, they are fed bottles of Barbecue sauce rather than bottles of milk. These Southerners are bred to be meat eaters from infancy. They eat meat daily, and so they won’t have trouble finding food. Human meat will suffice. Texas has some glowing survival skills…but they are topped by Alaska.

Alaskans have to deal with a barren tundra every day of their waking lives. Days go by without the sun coming out. The British think that they have it hard with the never ending rain, but Alaskans endure much more. Alaskan children must hunt their food, whereas Texans buy their meat at the supermarket. Caribou is a popular animal that is hunted in this frozen wasteland. Alaskan children also have the blood of Inuit, mixed with Russian ancestry. It’s hard to get more badass than that…

…but Arizona manages to pull it off. The hardcore lifestyle of the Arizonan people is mind boggling. At any time, you can get searched and questioned by law enforcement. Are you a citizen? Are you not a citizen? It’s like living in the Wild West. Children need to deal with Rock PAPER Scissors games daily, as they are all at risk of not being a citizen. These kids are bad to the bone. They also eat Cactus Cereal, made with real cactus, spikes and all.

Still, the Amish children of Pennsylvania are even more tough. They go through life without technology, and so they are used to living off of rocks and dirt. They are also experienced with horses, so if they are to find one in the arena, they could utilize it and slay people. They even have their own mafia, as displayed on the hit TV show “Amish Mafia.” These guys are tough as nails…which they need to create themselves.

The Amish cannot defeat New York, however. New Yorkers are a mixed bag, really. The government would draw either a tough kid from Harlem or a privileged son of a business man. Both are dangerous. New Yorkers are a tough breed, and especially after 9/11, they can take ANYTHING. They don’t take crap, and the kids aren’t any different in terms of their tolerance to trash-talk. I would be afraid to face a New Yorker in the Hunger Games…

…but not as scared as I would be of a New Jersian. Why? Because they don’t take any more crap than New Yorkers. New York is the heart of all city activity, but New Jersey is the rabid offspring and second branch of New York. We’ve gone wild, tans, hair gel and all. It’s official.

NEW JERSEY WOULD WIN THE US HUNGER GAMES. Disagree with me? Try me in the comments.

~Ddog

Man on a Ledge Movie Review

Man on a Ledge-(PG-13)-(Blu-Ray worthy)

Like the trailer spoils for us, the man on the ledge is actually a distraction from a heist. How cool would it be if someone went into this movie thinking that it was just about a guy threatening to jump off of a building, but then the heist starts and they’re like: BEST PLOT TWIST EVER. Sadly, that can’t happen, because the trailer and commercials give away the plot, which I understand, because I wouldn’t want to watch a guy threaten to jump off of a building for and hour and forty-five minutes.

The three key points to this movie are plot, action, and thrill. Just like skillfully made roast beef, the plot had many layers.

Remember the Taking of Pelham 123? That movie is great because it’s not just a movie about a hijacking of a train. There are back-stories that amplify the plot. Walter Garber, the man who negotiates with Ryder, was accused of taking a bribe in the past, which raises credibility issues. Things like that add substance to the plot.

Though you think that the plot is predictable, you learn in the last few minutes that your assumptions were naive. There were plenty of twists to satisfy your needs. The seasoning on thus roast isn’t store brand junk. It’s legitimate, culinary stuff.

The action, mainly referring to the heist, gave me some mixed feelings. The heist included some methods and gadgets that seem small compared to Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol’s, and I don’t know if any of it would work, but I advise you to let it be. Don’t question the realism of this movie.

The thrill factor is high. There are some tense parts that will keep you from being let down. Sam Worthington pulled this performance off very well, and so did most the other actors. Key word: MOST. Man on a Ledge is a T-Bone. If you want to have fun, and if you don’t question any of what you see, you’ll enjoy it.

~Ddog

The Grey Movie Review

The Grey-(R)-(Blu-Ray worthy)

Liam Neeson + Wolves = A movie I have to check out. Is this survival flick more than a way to show wolves feasting on human flesh, or is it exactly that?

The three key points to this movie are characters, suspense, and plot. The characters are key.

If you don’t care about them, you don’t care if they get taken by the wolves for meat. Luckily, this movie unites you with the characters, so you feel sympathy when they are faced with life-or-death situations. Liam Neeson’s character is very complex and very interesting. You feel for him the whole time. It’s Neeson. It’s hard not to like him, even when he plays villains. That’s how badass he is.

The suspense is nail-biting. You are paranoid of the shadows every second, and every time there is silence, your eyes are scanning the screen, because you never know when the wolves were going to attack. I’ve never felt this much suspense in a while. You are never comfortable, even during the rare moments of rest and story-telling, because you know that a wolf could pop up any minute. The suspense keeps you on edge and holding your breath the whole time.

The plot is varied, which is good, because traversing snow isn’t interesting in itself. Thankfully, things happen which keeps the plot fresh, throwing in potatoes with the meat. A steak is great, but you need something on the side, and the Grey offers that.

This film strikes many emotional chords, as it is more about the struggle between mind and man than wolf and man. The score is moving as well, kicking in during the last scene of the film.

Nonetheless, there are plenty of wolves to keep you occupied. This movie is deep, and Liam Neeson’s character is as strong as can be. Because of the depth and cloying suspense, The Grey is a worthy Filet. It was powerful, to say the least.

~Ddog

P.S. There is a 6 second scene after the credits

Movie Monday: Agents of SHIELD, Ender’s Game, Demi Lovato in Paranormal 5

It’s Movie Monday. This week we have a couple of trailers and news that is shameful.

The trailer for Agents of SHIELD has dropped. Check it out.

This new ABC TV series is going to be interesting. I wonder how it will tie into the Avengers, though I assume that it happened before the events in New York, because Coulson is alive. A series I will check out? For sure.

Next up is the trailer for Ender’s Game, a movie that was adapted from a book that I disliked. It features Ben Kingsley with feces smeared across his face.

If you haven’t watched the trailer, don’t because it contains the ending, if I am not mistaken. Stupid trailers. Anyways, I’ll see this film in an effort to see a movie in which I enjoy the movie better than the book…because I didn’t like the book.

Lastly, Demi Lovato is going to be starring in Paranormal Activity 5 (according to rumor which is likely accurate). Yep, you heard me correctly. God help us all.

~Ddog

Search Term Sunday: Dr. Phil and Fried Chicken

It’s Sunday. These are real terms that people have searched to find Gamerscene. Let’s take a look at what we have this week.

is the uprising map pack bad for children?

Yes. Magma will inspire your child to watch Austin Powers, which is inappropriate. Encore will cause your child to listen to Jay-Z. Vertigo will make your child jump off buildings. The worst of them all, Studio has a dinosaur. Dinosaurs are scary. This map pack is very bad for children.

how to make bomb rice crispy treats

Step 1: Refrain from using slang terms in your Google searches. It will give you more accurate search results.

how to camo share on black ops 2? i have a account with a camo on it but how do i get on my account?

Google isn’t Dr. Phil. You can’t make a search term that long and expect to get the answer you want. Key words, young lad, key words.

injinjustice videos

This brings back memories of Tom Sawyer. Injun Joe, you were a mean guy.

first letter of the blops 2 dlc packs theory

This is actually an interesting thing that I considered doing a post on. So the Black Ops map packs spell out F.E.A.R (First Strike, Escalation, Annihilation, and Rezurrection.) The Black Ops 2 map packs, so far, spell out R.U (Revolution, Uprising) I don’t know what this year’s DLC will spell out, but I am guessing that it will all come out to be F.E.A.R.R.U.S.S, as in Fear Us. It’s too early to tell at the moment.

morbidly obese asian

Here you go.

baby shirley temples father and mother

Why would the child version of Shirley Temple have a different set of parents than the older version of Shirley Temple? That was a stupid search. Speaking of stupid…

fried chicken stupid

How is fried chicken stupid? Fried chicken is great when done right.

how do you give a blogger an award on wordpress

It’s actually a very unimportant event. I received the Lovely (Sexy) Blogger Award, and it wasn’t anything special. You’re not giving an Oscar. Just link the blogger and they’ve gotten the award.

hipsters + fat + over 35

= WoW players

Which term was your favorite? The first takes the cake for me

~Ddog