The Rating System:
Filet Mignon=Excellent, fresh, and a memorable piece of art.
T Bone= Good helping, but not worth trading for a Filet.
Pork chop= In the middle, barely recommended.
Hotdog= Nearly complete garbage.
Cat Food= The slums of the food/movie franchises
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Cloverfield-(PG-13)
Lord, please forgive JJ Abrams for being affiliated with the creation of this movie. He knows not what he has done. I am sick and tired of these found footage movies. Apollo 18. Paranormal Activity. And now this! Screw these movies! I’m done trying to give them a chance. I haven’t seen one found footage movie that I liked more than a normal one. That says something! It says that they suck! War of the Worlds was about an alien invasion, and yet it wasn’t filmed with a hand-cam! It didn’t have to look amateur! It turned out great, and there was no need for this found footage nonsense. Before I get off track and break my laptop, let me give a plot synopsis. Cloverfield is about a group of friends who get caught up in an alien invasion. They struggle for survival. Yeah, that’s it. The three key points to this joke are plot, action, and acting. The plot is simple: survive. Help the stray girlfriend. Get out of New York. It sounds pretty cool, because buildings are being taken down left and right, and the US army is fighting in the streets, but it’s really not. The movie is littered with characters you don’t care about, mainly because they seem bored, or because they’re annoying. Just like I said in my Colombiana review, when you hate the characters, you hate the movie. The plot is nothing special. Still, I will admit that this movie has more substance and plot than other found-footage films. It has more flavor, complexity, and development than other found footage films, and is the most in depth out of the ones I’ve seen. BUT say that a steak comes with mushrooms on top. If the mushrooms are tasty, but the steak is horrible, it can’t be called a good steak, right? And what if those mushrooms are the best in, say, Ohio. They aren’t even the best in the US, or the best in the world. See what I’m saying? The complexity can’t be the foundation of the movie’s quality. The action isn’t a focus of the movie. It’s just explosions and panic. The panic and screaming gets annoying, and paired with the camera being handled so unprofessionally that you can’t believe it’s even amateur , it’s like watching a movie filmed by Stevie Wonder. The action is basically a side-attraction. When an alien gets up-close, you don’t feel danger like you should with a found-footage film. Lastly, the acting is horrible. Now, I get that these people are supposed to be normal, but imagine this: These people are acting to be casual, like a real person, but people don’t need to be sold the idea that this is real. Just give us a good movie! Crap! It was so predictable as well! Watch the first half hour, guess what will happen, and if you have any sense, what you guessed will be what will happen. This is crap. There was no suspense, and you didn’t care if most of the characters made it or not. The cameraman has so many outbursts and stupid comments that you want him to shut up! He’s dumb as a post, and is the least likable of them all, which is a big statement, because half of them are hate-able. It’s been a while since I’ve said this, but this is Catfood. Don’t see this movie. It’s crap.
Interesting Movie: This crap movie was filmed in 34 days.
Motion-sickness warning signs were displayed infront of some theaters during the first weekend of the release.
There was no music playing in the beginning party scene, and the actors in the background were actually silently mouthing conversations.
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Apollo 18-(PG-13)
Why have we never gone back to the moon? This movie tries to tell us why, while using a host of cameras, handheld and stationary. This is another POV camera movie, filmed in the same style as Paranormal Activity and the Blair Witch Project. That means that there is going to be a lot of edgy silences and jump-scares. This movie puts a twist on this style. Because the film was edited to look old and fragmented, there are constantly quality changes, ranging from color flashes to graininess. Still, though they can make film look old, it doesn’t make the movie good. How did it do? The two key points to this movie are acting and thrill. The acting was done by no names, which is OK. These men are astronauts, ordinary men who have families. If DiCaprio and Pitt were flown onto the moon, and they were trying to out-act eachother, it wouldn’t work. These two guys are stiff towards the beginning, but they aren’t characters. They are there to collect moon rocks. They aren’t supposed to have an interesting personality. They get to show off some acting skills, and they aren’t planks for long. You see them unwind as the movie progresses. The thrill isn’t thrilling enough for this to be considered a horror movie. What made Paranormal Activity so eerie were the dead silences. In this movie, the silences are broken by breathing or talking or radio noises. You don’t feel so drawn apart and scared as you’re supposed to. When things pick up, it turns into more of a hectic, dark chase, rather than a suspenseful horror movie. Your eyes scan the screen when the stationary cameras are shown, but not enough for this movie to be really scary. The threat is threatening, truly, but it didn’t work very well with the whole conspiracy theme of the movie. This movie isn’t one I would recommend. It was a space Porkchop. If anyone were to rank it lower, I would understand. It’s a movie that I have already forgotten, and though it has a few highs, it seemed like it wasn’t sure where its own story is going. Don’t see Apollo 18. Apollo 13 is where it’s at.
Interesting Facts: The website given in the beginning is an actual website created for the film
Zero-gravity physics are outlawed out times.
Cave Scene
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Orphan-(R)
What’s more scary than a little girl? Maybe Cameron Diaz’s face, but nothing else besides that. Nothing is scarier than a little girl, and so this movie was a brilliant success. Orphan is about a little girl named Esther, who seems sweet and innocent. She is an orphan, and a couple is looking to adopt. The parents meet Esther while painting, and decides that she would be a good adoption choice. Of course, the parents adopt the Esther. The family she goes to has some problems. The mother is a former alcoholic and had a miscarriage, the father is a former cheater, the daughter is deaf, and the son hates Esther. Think the family has issues? Esther isn’t so normal herself. Not only does Esther act strange, but the nun from the orphanage pays the family a visit to warn them of the fires that left Esther’s former adopters dead…and it wasn’t only one family. It was many. The mother is afraid for her children, but the father is fine with Esther. Sounds like a lot of conflict? You sure bet. The three key points to this movie are plot, thrill factor, and acting. The plot is filled with sub-stories and conflict, which adds a dark vibe to the whole movie. It had enough realism to be believable but it stretched the imagination. It was over the top and subtle at the same time. Lots of the plot development comes from Esther and her little sister (the deaf girl) Max. Esther uses Max to help her, and threatens to kill her and her mother if she doesn’t offer help or keep quiet.
Next is the thrill factor. This movie delivers thrill after thrill, and you never know when something will happen or what will happen next. Like any horror movie, it had fake-outs as well as jumpy moments. There are plenty of deaths, dramatic scenes, oh my God moments, and moments when you want to turn away. The movie wasn’t so gruesome or disturbing that you couldn’t watch it. It was thrilling to watch, and simply amazing. The acting was great, unlike most horror movies. If you watch psycho-killer movies or other types of horror, the main characters are usually Acting I Junior High School level. They make the movie so fake and so corny that it’s a failure all in itself. In Orphan, however, the acting was top notch, especially for the kids. It was believable all-round. I think that I liked this movie because it didn’t involve spirits or ghosts or hauntings. It was more realistic than that. This horror flick is a Filet, thrilling and well spiced. I suggest it to everyone. You will end watching the credits while out of breath.
Interesting facts: Max is deaf in real-life.
Esther was originally supposed to be blonde.
My video review
Interview with Isabelle Fuhrman
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Paranormal Activity-(R)
I know, I am late for reviewing this movie….because the second one is in production now…..but what can I say? I haven’t gotten around to it. Well, this flick has gotten a lot of hype….ALOT. Infact, it has been dubbed the scariest movie ever made. I cannot judge THAT decision, because this, I admit it, I don’t watch many horror movies.was my first. Still, it was very freaky. It was supposedly based on a true story. This movie is about Katie and Micah, a guy and a girl. Katie decides to movie in with her boyfriend, and so she tells her story to him. A dark figure has been following her since she was eight I believe. In other words, she was being haunted. Then, bad things happen that freak her out. She calls a paranormal specialist, and he claims that there is not a ghost, but a demon haunting her. It cannot go away, he states. It will only follow Katie. Micah films Katie during the day, and sets up a camera in their bedroom, to record what is happening. I do not want to give anything away though. The three key points in this movie are thrill factor, acting, and ideas. The thrill was way high up. Yes, the beginning is VERY slow. When I saw the beginning, I was all, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, when does this end……because nothing happens. Only the characters are introduced and minor things happen, like doors closing a centimeter. Whoopie! But then, the Thrill Meter goes up. Footprints and strange pictures are found. Also, a connection between Katie and a girl online is discovered…..because both their houses burned down at the same age, and they each are being haunted…..that sets a basic plot….but then it gets out of hand. Katie wakes up in the middle of the night, staring at her bed for hours, and gets dragged out with the covers to the bathroom…AND she walks outside and refuses to go back in, though she doesn’t remember anything. Doesn’t sound scary? Well imagine being in a dark room, hugging your popcorn, when Micah turns the camera left and right, wondering when a demon may pop out. And when the camera is pointing to the sleeping couple, try not to feel scared, because you don’t know when a scream may be heard or when a door may slam. The thrill definitely wrapped up with the crazy ending. Yes, there are 2 alternate endings, but I will not spoil it……..even though I want to so bad. The acting was very bad……VERY bad…..but for all you who don’t know…..it is SUPPOSED to be bad. It has to give the feel of being a low budget home video.
It cannot be too professional….remember…based on a true story. So yes, the acting was bad. Whether it was on purpose or not, it worked for this film. The ideas of this movie generate slowly, but comes to a great conclusion. Starting small actually built up suspense, because you think, “This movie has to start up now,” and it doesn’t you deep down know that something will happen when you least expect it. By the way, there are 3 versions to the movie, each with alternate endings. They are each great, but the one screened in theaters is the most climatic. Hotdog is what is offered, because it was just too corny to be a genuine Filet Mignon. Something wasn’t there…I don’t know if it was effort or stars or believability. It was just lacking something. I only suggest this if you’re planning to watch some horror movie for the heck out it with a group of friends. The whole movie over all is just very corny, and sometimes I thought that I could have done better than the directors.
Interesting Facts: It took 10 days to film this movie
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7324831/
Above is Kitty Kat giving her opinion (I made the video)
Hilarious Parody
Reactions…………..
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Devil(PG-13)
Well…………M Night Shyamalan………..we all know that name, don’t we……….He’s the guy who made The Last Air bender, The Happening, Stuart Little (1990), and the Sixth Sense. The Sixth Sense was great according to everybody I know, but everything else was garbage, which built up to a garbage heap of movies that were garbage. I’m trying to say that most of this guy’s movies are garbage. Devil, however, is not too bad! JUST KIDDING. It is about 5 people who are stuck in an elevator, and a cop and his parters are lured to the elevator situation when a suicide happens from atop the building. They could only see and speak to the stuck people, but the stuck people can’t see or speak back. Now, the whole concept is that one of the security guards suggests that the bad things that are happening in the elevator are doings of Satan, based on a story he was told as a child. That is basically the plot, and I cannot say more, or I may spoil the movie. The three key points are: Thrill/Suspense, plot and length, and overall acting. The thrill in this movie is like a guessing game. The whole time, you’re in your seat, wondering who the Devil is and what you may see out of the darkness.
The suspense was biting at me, and kept me half hoping the lights wouldn’t be turned on…until you find out who the devil is before it’s revealed! When you find out, you aren’t satisfied. Many people don’t see many movies because they are afraid that they will get scared. Now, I’m not a guy who scares easily, but I’m paranoid to certain sounds and figures. Let me tell you, this movie was NOT scary. I’m not saying it to sound macho and awesome…I say it because it’s true. Devil could give a really negative vibe about a movie, and it did give a negative and chilling vibe, but it was not scary….just suspenseful and bloody. If you have seen extremely genuine horror movies, like Orphan, this one will leave you disappointed. The plot of this movie was quite simple, but it had a story. It was only two hours, which was a huge turn down. The acting in this movie was really great, but some characters had more substance than others. The character development was quite poor, but, again, the acting was right on. If you are looking for a movie to thrill you a bit, don’t even consider this. It’s just so bland and dumb. This movie is Catfood that makes you feel robbed after watching it, like: Did I seriously just pay eleven bucks for that crap? M. Night has disappointed once again.
Interesting Facts: The people die the order they came on the elevator.
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7325219/
Above is Kitty Kat (I made the video)
Interview with M Night
Vince is blamed for Cutting Sarah
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