Colombiana Movie Review

Colombiana-(PG-13)-

This movie is about Cataleya, a girl who saw her parents murdered infront of her as a child. She grows up to become a killer, wanting to avenge her parents’ death. Starring Uhura of Star Trek, we have our movie, which is a real mess.

The three key points to this movie are the plot, characters, and action.

The story is laughable. This movie’s plot has more holes than Swiss cheese. It’s stupid, actually. Ten-year old girls do not travel the world, do parkour, stab people, eat things to conceal them, or strive to become a killer. I understand that this girl was traumatized, but you can’t ask me to suspend my belief so much as to believe that this little girl wants to kill people.

Zoe Saldana played Cataleya very well, but I disliked her. In fact, I wanted her to get caught for her crimes. This is a problem. You’re supposed to root for the main character, not wish them to rot in prison. I feel that her character was shallow, ignorant, and cold-hearted, and so I didn’t like her, therefore I didn’t like the story, and therefore I didn’t like the movie.

The action was nothing special, and sharks can’t make up for that fact, especially because they didn’t have laser beams on their heads.

This movie was a Porkchop, with no blood so the teenage boys can come to see Saldana in shorts. Skip this film.

~Ddog

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2 comments on “Colombiana Movie Review

    • I don’t think you do :/ Saldana is easy to look at but the script is so poor. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before. It’s a great actress caught in a mediocre story.

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