The Tourist Movie Review

The Tourist-(PG-13)

What a mess. The star power of Depp and Jolie couldn’t save this train wreck that is the Tourist.

The three key points to this terrible film were the acting, story, and action. The acting was a huge screw-up on Depp’s and Jolie’s part. They were both on a different page the whole movie. Jolie was acting like a cool, quiet, sexy spy, while Depp was acting like a confused, unsure man. Deep was playing Jack Sparrow. Even the way he ran had a Pirates feel to it.

I think Jolie was still stuck in her role from Salt, and Depp still had some pirates in his head. The two leads were totally on a different page, and it was so obvious. Also, there was no chemistry between the two “lovers.” Zip. Zilch. Zero. None. Nothing. Here’s the amount of chemistry if you didn’t hear the first time:

When the kiss at the end of the movie occurs, you say, wait, they were in love? They did a crappy job of showing it! The unset acting ruined the connection to the characters. The plot had so much potential to be amazing, but it failed miserably. Why? You could blindly predict the verdict within the first ten minutes of the movie. My father did, and he was spot on.

The plot is so anti-climatic and so sleepy. I could sit through a slow movie, but this wasn’t good enough to be called slow. It was BORING. I could care less that it is set in the beautiful Venice, Italy. I could make a movie in Honolulu, Hawaii or the Grand Canyon, or on the top of Mount Everest, but if what I film is garbage, it doesn’t matter! This movie doesn’t get slack just because it was pretty.

Another stupid feature was the fact that everybody stared at Jolie as she walked around in her dress. This is a spy movie, not a perfume commercial. I get that Jolie is sexy. We don’t need to have all the extras stare at her.

There was no action, unless you count jumping buildings, a slow boat chase, and guns being POINTED as being action. What do you get with bad acting, a recycled plot, and no action? A Hotdog that’s not worth a penny, aka, the Tourist.

~Ddog

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4 comments on “The Tourist Movie Review

  1. So, I’m about one of three people in the entire world that actually enjoyed this movie. Now, don’t get me wrong – it’s not like it’s the best movie in the world, but I did actually like it. I went in knowing how 98% of people were feeling about it (i.e. they hated it), and I still liked it. So…do with that information what you will, LOL.

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